Silence

Over the past couple years I have really seen myself start to embrace the more introverted parts of my personality. While I wouldn’t say I am a full blown introvert, I would say that I do tend to lean more towards introversion than extroversion.

Maybe a 51/49 split. Maybe even 52/48.

In college I was always on the go, always somewhere to be, people to see. After I graduated the pace of my life, socially, started to change. As my focus and priorities began to change, so did the time I was spending with people.

As opposed to always seeking out people to be with 24/7 I determined which relationships I really wanted to keep and focused on those. With that determination, came a much simpler way of life. I wasn’t constantly on the go and trying to keep up with everyone around me.

What I also found during this time was the fact that I actually enjoy having time to myself. In college, any moment that I wasn’t with someone else or doing something, I was missing out. As I started to grow out of this I began to really begin to enjoy the moments and time that I did have just for myself. Whether it was on my porch, at a coffeehouse, with a good book, or just lost in my thoughts, I found that having some time to myself was something that really did energize me.

Now while I was ever enjoying this new found contentment with being alone, I still was very much involved with the relationships I had around me. I was still hanging out with those people and investing in those.

While I was growing in my desire and need for solitude, I was still involved with and investing in the community around me.

Now, where I am at today, I have really begun to look at three aspects of our life in regards to spirituality: community, solitude, and silence.

Spiritually speaking, I have always been a big proponent of community. Being involved with a christian fraternity, brotherhood and fellowship is something I greatly value. Whether that brotherhood was primarily focused on brotherhood or not, the relationships that are near and dear to my heart are those that have this spiritual aspect to them. They are the people in my life who help build me up, encourage me, and keep me accountable.

When it comes to solitude, like I have mentioned, I have really begun to understand the importance of getting away from everybody and everything. I have started to try and incorporate this into my life and open up a space by which, in my solitude, I can spend time with God and commune with him. There are times throughout my day or life where I will try to get alone and talk to God. I will think on his goodness, present requests to him, and really allow myself to not be distracted by everything around me and let this solitude be dedicated to him.

The aspect that I have been missing in my spiritual life, that I think is very valuable as well though, is silence. Silence, spiritually speaking, in my opinion, is when we are before God with everything turned off. That means that we are not around other people to engage us. That means we are not reading a book or devotional. That means that we are not even allowing our self to think about or talk to God. Silence, is us presenting our selves to God with everything else shut off, open and ready to receive whatever He might have for us.

Elijah, in 1 Kings, experienced the Lord pass by him, not in the mighty wind, nor the thundering earthquake, nor the raging fire. No, he experienced the Lord in the Whisper. He experienced the lord in the still small voice.

And how do we hear the Whisper?

Silence before God.

Today though, we live in a society where silence before God is not embraced nearly enough.

We may have the community aspect of spirituality down, by coming together and worshiping on Sunday and breaking off into small groups for fellowship throughout the week.

We may even have the solitude aspect down, as we dedicate time sometime during our day to pray, read the bible, or do a devotional.

But how often are we really silencing ourselves enough to hear the still small voice?

How often are we turning off the distractions all around us, slowing down our racing mind, and then quietly sitting before God, asking him to speak to us in the Whisper?

I know for myself, the answer is not nearly enough… Or more like, not nearly ever.

But why is this? Why don’t we put ourselves in a position to hear from god in the Whisper?

I think there are a few different reasons, at least for me, why this is the case.

For one, most of the time when I do actually set aside 5 or 10 minutes to just sit with God and allow Him to speak to me, nothing happens. I don’t get any revelations or words of wisdom. I don’t feel a great sense of overwhelming peace or presence.

I don’t get anything.

So that in and of itself, makes me less likely to do it.

Then the second issue that arises is the fact that, actually making that 5 or 10 minutes happen is one of the hardest things to do! Trying to stop my mind from wandering or thinking about different things is a true feat. And then throw in the fact that sometimes when I try, I might even begin to nod off and it starts to seem like a hopeless endeavor.

So first off, we don’t really get anything out of it and second off, its really hard to quiet ourselves to do.

Those combined, make silence before God a herculean task for me.

But I think there is another, deeper issue for why this silence before God can be so difficult.

When we are truly silent before God, when we come before Him with nothing but our true selves, we find that the only thing left is God and us. And I believe that, that is an uncomfortable place to be.

It is in that place, that we realize that we truly have nothing to offer. We don’t have our grand ideas or thoughts. We don’t have our plans or visions. We just have our broken selves. And it is in that place that God can really show us who He truly is and who we truly are not. It is in that place that we come face to face with our maker and see that we can’t measure up.

And it is in that place that God can really begin to humble us. He can reveal things about ourselves that we never knew because we wouldn’t allow ourselves to slow down enough to let God reveal them.

This is not a pleasant place. This is not a happy place. But I believe as we silence ourselves before Him and give Him the chance to work and speak to us, He will honor that. He will honor our desire to seek him. And the more and more we give him this opportunity, he will change us and this time and space that we give him can begin to be transformed. As opposed to this time being something we dread, something that is a dark place, it becomes a time when we really can enjoy this communing with our lord. It becomes a refuge.

After taking us through the uncomfortable and difficult fire of his intense presence, we see this time being transformed into a place of peace and restoration.

That is what I want. I want that time of silence with God to be a time of sweet communion and listening to my Lord. And I think that is what Christ is wanting as well. So I write this now to encourage myself and to encourage you to realize what is truly most important in this journey with Christ.

And that is to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen.

Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I pray that we truly embrace this truth and ask God to help us in this endeavor to truly embrace this silence at his feet.

In a rut?

As I have mentioned a few posts back, I have been in a little bit of a rut lately. I am not sensing Gods presence as strongly as I had been. I am not setting aside that time to spend with Him. I am not actively pursuing God like I deep down desire to.

Now I know, in the place I am right now, I am not alone.

I would venture to say there are millions upon millions of people in my same shoes actually. People who love Jesus and desire for Him to be lord of their life. But right where they are in their life right now, they just don’t seem to have the motivation or desire to do something to grow in their relationship with the Lord.

Whether that is because life has gotten busy for them and they just don’t seem to have the time that they once did to focus on God. Or whether it’s because they have just come out of a real tough time and things are great in life now and they don’t need to rely on God like they once did. Or maybe, nothing has really changed except that they are no longer seeking God like they were.

Whatever the reason or how they came to be in the place they are in right now, they are in a rut and don’t know how to get out. Cognitively, they know what they need to do. They know they need to start reading their bible and praying. They know they need to start setting some time aside to spend with him. They know they need to start to turn their eyes toward heaven and offer up praises and thanks to him.

But when it comes to actually doing all these things…

Zip. Zero. Nada. Nothing.

Even though deep down you want to grow closer to God, you lack the true desire and motivation to do the things you know you need to do. So what do we do? How do we get out of this rut?

Some people might tell you, “Well you just need to dig down deep and just make yourself do the things you need to do. You need to be more disciplined and force yourself to do them.”

And ya know, they’re right. That is a way you can do it. Just pure grit, determination and will. And if we will ourselves to seek the Lord, the more and more we do it, the more and more we seek, the more we will find.

I wonder at a different way though.

I read the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan and he proposed this simple yet powerful idea. He said, in those times when you feel like just don’t want to spend time with God or do what you need to do, ask God to give you that desire. He says, that when we try and force ourselves to do the things we need to do without asking God for help with this, we are again trying to do the Christian life on our own. We are striving to do it in our own power. When really God is just waiting for us to turn our hearts to him and ask him for the help.

He is waiting for us to cry out and tell him we are in need. That we don’t have the desire or motivation to do the things that he is calling us to. To tell him that he is not our primary focus in life right now. To be real with him and then to ask him for his help. And if we continue to do this, if we continue to ask him for help, he will begin to give us that desire and motivation to do the things we need to do to grow in Him.

That being said, this does not absolve us from having discipline. This does not mean that if we continue to ask God for this desire and motivation, that doing these things to grow in Him will become completely easy and we will never have a problem with them.

No.

What it means is that God will give us the power, desire, and motivation TO discipline ourselves. Like I have talked about before, our lives on this earth is something that we are to partner with God to undertake. We are to live our lives and do what he has called us to do, with Him. So that takes us doing something as well as inviting God to help us do it.

So as we ask God to give us a desire and yearning for more and more of Him, he will begin to instill that in us. He will begin to give us what we ask for, so that we will then begin to have the power TO discipline ourselves. Again, we are partnering with God to do what he has called us to.

Could we do it the ole fashioned way, gritting our teeth and forcing ourselves to be more disciplined?

Sure.

But that’s now how God intended it.

So with that, I’ll leave you a prayer that has been near and dear to my heart through the past couple years that really speaks to what I have written about. It is at the beginning of a chapter in “Crazy Love” that talks about this and so beautifully illustrates what Christ is wanting from us:

“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want thee; I long to be filled with longing: I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

– A.W Tozer

Pride

So confession time: I have a problem with pride.

But the problem with my pride though, is it isn’t that noticeable from the outside.

So if you were to look at me and my life, you probably wouldn’t say, “Oh yeah, that Wes guy is definitely too prideful.”

In fact (not to sound too prideful), you would be more likely to look at my life and say, “Yeah, that Wes guy seems to be a pretty good Christian. He seems to be pretty disciplined and do what he needs to do.”

And that, my friends, is exactly the problem.

Now, if someone were to say something like this to me in the not too distant past, I would have probably been pretty proud pleased. Today though, I look at that statement and cringe, seeing my pride satisfied.

And boy, is my pride sneaky. Why?

Because my pride isn’t a showy pride. My pride isn’t a flashy pride. My pride isn’t something that you will easily be able to spot. My pride is underlying. Its in the shadows and its doing all the right things… yet, for the wrong motive.

My pride likes to put on that I have it all together. My pride likes it when people look at me and think that I am a good Christian. It basks in having a good answer or a wise thought. It is constantly seeking the affirmation of Christian man by doing all the things that God instructs me to do.

My pride likes to put on the front that I have it all together, no flaws, no struggles, just God and I prancing in the tulips.

And what my pride hates, is anyone seeing anything negative or bad. It hates when I have a struggle or a problem. And what does my pride tell me?

“Don’t worry Wes, this problem, this struggle, this obstacle is something that you and God can handle. You don’t need to show your weaknesses or flaws burden other people with your problems.”

And for the longest, I bought this line.

I saw my lack of sharing my struggles with others as a sign of spiritual strength.

“I just need to trust God and go to him with my problems or issues and it will be fine.”

What I failed to realize though, was there was a bigger issue at hand. This wasn’t so much about my struggles and problems so much as it was about my pride wanting to keep up an image that would keep peoples opinions of me in a favorable light.

“If so and so saw the real me, they wouldn’t look at me the same. They wouldn’t have the same respect they have now.”

And that’s the root of it. That’s the crux of it. So my pride has masqueraded around with a no problems or struggle free appearance. And what happens when pride wins? God loses.

When I fail to show my faults, weaknesses, struggles, and challenges. When I “bravely” struggle through these alone, I am bringing glory to myself.

Yet, when I show the real me. When I tear down the walls around my weaknesses and let my warts show, people are able to see that I’m nobody. They’re able to see that its not me. They’re able to better see Christ, because they can see that I am imperfect and flawed. That the good in me really isn’t of myself, but of God.

Upon this revelation I am realizing that I have to open myself up. I have to be vulnerable. I have to allow for less of me and more of Him. And how does this happen? By admitting that I don’t have it all together.. but not just admitting that to myself and God. But admitting that to others.

Am I advocating that we as Christians now go about and broadcast all of our problems and struggles to every person we meet?

No

What I am advocating though is humbling our prideful selves by sharing our problems and struggles with a few people we can trust. We are not meant to live out this Christian life alone. And if you are like me, and have been playing the “this is something between me and God card” to allow yourself not to humble yourself before men and God himself, then I challenge you to…

Stop.

To allow your weaknesses to show. To allow yourself to not present yourself as having it all together. When we can successfully do this, we allow for Gods name to be glorified. We allow people to recognize that its not just us being disciplined and having such a great relationship with God that we don’t have any struggles. We allow them to see that despite ourselves, despite our stupidity, despite our lack of motivation, God is able to continue to do a good work in us.

And when they see that, we aren’t glorified…

God is.

Testimony

I love to hear peoples story. I love to hear where they have come from, the things they have experienced, and how they have come to be the person they are today.

An important aspect of peoples story is their testimony. Growing up though, I thought testimony was just the story of how we came to know Jesus. And I looked at my life, being raised in the church, by wonderful examples of Christ in my parents, and thought that I didn’t really have much to offer. My “story” was very boring. A christian since before I can remember, no deliverances from addictions or bondage. No, angels or miracles. Just me.

As I grew older I began to realize that testimony was not limited to my salvation experience. Testimony is any work of God in our lives. It is any time when God stepped in and showed himself. Testimony is powerful. Testimony is personal. Testimony is our story.

And the powerful thing about testimony is when we hear peoples testimony, our own faith cannot help but be built. When we hear of the work of God in peoples life, it gives us life. It gives us hope. It gives us something with which we can stand on. When everything else seems to fall all around us, we can remember back to when God stepped in and we can have faith.

“Let us hold unnervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 10:23

Testimony is when we can look at that verse and have real life application. When we can remember a time in our life, or others, where God was faithful; where He came through for us.

So when I talk to people, I love to hear their story. I love to hear their testimony. I love to hear how God took their life and did something miraculous in and through them. When I hear these stories I cannot help but smile and get excited, because it is such a reminder of how great our God is. It gives me hope for my future and faith in the goodness he has been doing for centuries before me.

Every Interaction

We have an opportunity at any point in our life, to be Christ to the people around us. When I say that, I do not mean that we have an opportunity to talk about Christ to people. No, I mean, we literally have an opportunity to be Christ to them. Christ lives in us and when we are walking in the spirit, every person that we come in contact with is coming into contact with that same spirit.

Now, does that mean every person we come in contact with will now become a believer? No.

Did every person that Jesus came in contact with become a believer? No.

BUT we have an opportunity to in every interaction be Christ to that person. It is an opportunity to be the living Christ to them. We have that power and capability because of the Holy Spirit inside of us.

Now, obviously, I’m not saying that we literally become Christ. What I am concentrating on is the power and spirit we carry inside of us. The same power that Christ had to raise the dead and allow the blind to see, is inside of us. And we carry that power and life with us. Let’s keep that in mind today, that in every interaction we have an opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to be Jesus to the people we meet. And how do we do that? By walking in the Spirit.   

The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit has always been something that has puzzled me. I just didn’t really understand how He moved, worked, and what that looked like. I was always waiting for some type of out of body experiences or feeling of a warm presence all over my body, when it came to the moving of the Holy Spirit.

Well, I think I’m now beginning to realize I kind of had it all wrong. While the Holy Spirit definitely CAN take over and we experience this out of body experience (still waiting on that one), the Holy Spirit, most of the time, is a lot more subtle than that. He works in and through us and we don’t even realize it.

As Christians, the Holy Spirit resides in us. He is always there and always ready to step in at any point. When we go about living our lives and doing our daily tasks, most of the time we aren’t focused on or aware of God. We are just going about our daily tasks. That being said, if we were to turn our hearts and mind towards heaven, in those times, we would find the Holy Spirit. We would begin to walk in the Spirit.

Walking in the Spirit is us being aware of God. It is us practicing the presence of God. When we are aware of God, when we are in constant conversation with him, when our thoughts are turned toward heaven, we are acknowledging who God is and his presence in our world. And thus we allow the Holy Spirit in those moments to enter into our daily life. We are living by the Spirit. We are aware of him and invite him into our daily life.

Most of us, though, don’t live this way. We don’t really think about God unless it’s our prayer time, we’re at church, are reading a Christian book, or maybe the random thankful thought we have during the day. Living this way, is not walking in the Spirit.

That being said, just because we don’t walk in the Spirit does not mean we are not Christians or that the Holy Spirit is not inside of us. No. it just means He is probably really bored just sitting there, not having much of a chance to be a part of your life. The sad thing is, the less we turn our eyes toward heaven and walk in the Spirit, the easier and easier it becomes to continue not do so. We get caught up in life and just forget to engage God. Turning our eyes toward heaven during our day becomes one of the last things we think to do.

And the less and less we communicate with the Spirit and God, the less and less we become sensitive to his workings in us. Then, when we really need him and call out to him, we don’t hear anything. We don’t see anything.

Why?

Because the Holy Spirit isn’t there or isn’t answering?

No.

Because our sensitivity to the Spirit, our spiritual ears have become dull from lack of use. The Holy Spirit is right there with us. He is even trying to help us, but we can’t feel, hear, or see him.

And that is where belief comes in. Belief in the fact that God is who He says He is. Faith in what He has done and hope for our future. We believe, that even when we can’t see, hear, or sense god, He is still there. He is still with us. And it is in those times, when our spiritual senses are dull, that we are to cling to this belief and continue to cry out to him. It is in those times, that we must believe that He hears us and He is for us. And the more and more we look to him, the more and more we draw near to him, the more our sensitivity to his Spirit returns and we begin to see his active work in our lives.

But what does his active work look like? If he is not possessing everyone left and right, how does the Holy Spirit move in us. Like I said before, he does it subtly. There is no wow event, no warm sensation.

No.

He just directs our thoughts. He directs our words. He directs our actions. When we are walking in the spirit, when our minds and thoughts are set above, we find the Holy Spirit begin to work in our lives by directing us.

And if we didn’t realize it, we would miss it. We would see our life, see the things we do, see the fruit being created and attribute it to ourselves.

“Well, I didn’t feel the Holy Spirit’s presence when I spoke, so that one must have been me.”

And I think it is in that place, that I resided for quite some time. Now, maybe nothing as blatant as the quote above, but it was hidden in there. For example, before any event or speaking opportunity I would pray that it went well and that God would work. I then would speak and after it was over, I would be sure to give god thanks. But the “thank you” was more of something I knew I should do, as opposed to the belief that it really did fully come from him. I mean, I definitely thought that God probably helped me with the task, but there was still a large portion of it that was me. I mean, I was the one actually up there speaking, right? So I deserve some credit.

And that is how I lived my life. Giving god an obligatory thank you for things, with the belief that He definitely did help me… but at the end of the day, I still did the majority of the work.

Now, of course, I would never say that and I don’t even think I even really consciously thought that, but the funny thing about the present, is you can look back at the past and see things you never could have seen in the moment. And looking back, I definitely see myself living that way.

But that whole scenario is me praying for things before hand, having an eye toward heaven, and then not giving God the full glory or thanks, afterwards. Many times, though, Christians do not pray about things they are doing or are actively engaged in. In those times, I believe the Holy Spirit is not working. The Holy Spirit is in them, but he’s not engaged with whats going on. Why?.. He’s not going to crash a party he wasn’t invited to.  

That being said, I think that regardless of whatever we do, with or without the Holy Spirit, we should thank God that He has gifted us with the ability to do whatever it was. But I just don’t think that just because we are Christians, that the Holy Spirit is working in all that we do. The Holy Spirit is only as active as we allow him to be. He is as active in our lives as we are mindful and aware of him.

Now, the bad thing is when we are mindful of him and do things, but do not give him full credit. Like what I was doing. I was allowing pride to step in to bring glory to myself, as opposed to fully thanking God for what he had done.

Now, with this you might be thinking, well I do good things even when I don’t pray about them or have God in mind. What about that?

 And to that, I say yes! Yes, that is very possible and happens all the time.

But it is when we do that, that we are doing them in our own power. When we do things that God is calling us to do, but do them without asking God to help us or with a mind toward him, we are doing it the wrong way.

John 15:4 says: “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

Jesus tells us to remain in him, to remain in contact with Him. How do we do this? By walking in the Spirit. By continuing to look toward heaven and consider Him. If we do this, He is producing the fruit inside of us, as opposed to us doing it on our own.

So let’s take Galatians 5:16-18,22-25 to heart:

“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.. the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

An Adventure

When I think of life, I think of an adventure. I think of a big adventure in which along the way I will encounter many different people, places, and experiences. I will learn new, exciting things. I will overcome both large and small obstacles. I will go through mountaintop experiences, as well as low valleys. I will see myself change along the journey.

Along the way, I would hope to find a partner, a companion that would join me in my travels. Someone with whom I can share in this adventure together. A person that will help me when I’m down and kick me when I’m being stupid. A companion that will make the journey more enjoyable and add to the adventure.

I feel I’m probably not alone in viewing life as a journey or an adventure. I feel that analogy gets thrown out there a lot. And I bet I’m not alone in viewing marriage the same way. Again, we hear that example used quiet often as well

I wonder though about looking at another aspect of our life, as a journey and an adventure as well. That would be our walk and relationship with Christ. I believe the most important thing we can do in our life is come to Jesus more. When we grow in relationship with him, coming to know him more and more, we begin to change. Our heart begins to change and then our lives thereafter.

If I see my life as a journey to know more intimately my heavenly father, I understand I’m in a process. I understand that through coming to know him more I will encounter many different people, places, and experiences which He will use to reveal more about himself. I will learn new and exciting things about his character and what He has for me. I will overcome large and small obstacles that He will use to refine and mold me, and further draw me into who He is. I will go through mountaintop experiences where I can feel his presence so strongly and then low valleys, where absent of his felt presence, all I have to hang onto is my belief. I will also see myself change along the journey as He continues to work in me to make me more like Him.

Our life is an adventure. Let’s look at discovering who Jesus is, as one as well.